Good morning and welcome to Small Voices, my weekly contribution to the general betterment of society. That’s right, straight from the Princess’s very own keyboard, your weekly dose of funnies from my own little monsters. And, because I know most everyone could use a good laugh on Monday, click on the graphic to go to Make Me Laugh Monday over at Absolutely Bananas for more giggles. Just doing my part to promote your happiness. I am the Princess of Promoting Happiness. Enjoy!

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Ryan made a pinwheel at preschool that does not actually spin. So he’s standing watching me make his breakfast and notices the pinwheel (which he calls a fan) sitting there on the counter.
Ryan: Mommy, this is a Fail Fan.
Me: What?
Ryan: It’s just a Fail Fan. (I know I deserve this, I really do I’m the one who started the whole “fail” thing in our house. But it still weirds me out when I hear my five-year-old say stuff like this).
Me: Ryan, you’re weird.
Ryan: I know. But it’s still a Fail Fan.

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I was playing with Sam, hiding his lego from him.
Sam: Mommy! You give me back dat Lego right now!
Me: Or what?
Sam: Or my will lock you up in prison with a SKEEKY MOUSE!!!!

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Art taught the boys the phrase “clean your clock,” which apparently means I’m going to beat you in a race. I had never heard this phrase before my darling love taught it to the children but it has quickly become my least favorite phrase ever. This is because whenever Ryan yells “I’m going to clean your clock!” to Sam while they are running to the house after getting out of the van, Sam immediately responds my screaming and crying “It’s NOT A RACE!!! STOP!!! MY DON’T WANT TO LOSE!” Sigh. Sam has a shriek that is legendary. In fact, we are currently in negotiations with the city of Small Town, Iowa, to replace the tornado warning siren with a recording of Sam wailing. Anyway, we came home from dinner the other night and as usual Ryan busted out of the van and was halfway up the sidewalk to the house before poor Sam had even gotten himself unbuckled.
Ryan: SAM!!!! I’m going to clean your clock!!!
Sam: My don’t want my clock anymore!!
Me: You don’t want your clock anymore?
Sam: No. My clock is broken. My am going to throw it away.

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We’re in the van on the way to my parents’ house.
Ryan: Mommy, I think Grandma and Grandpa’s house is a really fun place.
Me: Me too, buddy.
Ryan: But it’s not as fun as heaven.

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Sam: Mommy, you know what Superman does when he gets dressed?
Me: What?
Sam: He puts on his pants first, and then his underwear.

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I’m in my bedroom changing my clothes. Ryan comes charging in for some reason.
Ryan: AARRGH!!! I didn’t need to see that!!!

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Sam has been laying in bed decidedly not sleeping for an hour. I walk near the boys’ room and hear him humming.
Me: Sammy. Be quiet and go to sleep!
Sam: My not talking.
Me: Stop humming.
Sam: But– my am just singing a good night song!